Tuesday, July 19, 2011

We Want...A Shubbery!-Editor's Revision

[Hello. You may remember me as the Editor of Kern's last site, Listen, Listen, Listen, Listen, Listen! Listen!!! After years of neglect, it appears he has abandoned the bloated carcass of his last endeavor in the hopes of starting up a new website, which I am sure will garner the same level of prestige and respect as the last one. For those of you playing at home, you might realize that the needle on that scale is hovering at a few microns over zero. 

Ahem. But while discussing Kern's failures and follies ad nauseum is entertaining and amusing, I saw his first entry here and felt it had all the warmth and joy of a Puritan orgy. Being the humanitarian I am, I decided to come back and save him, and you dear reader, from suffering through a maze of this new, dispirited folksy style of his. It may take a while, but through a Rocky III style montage of running on the beach with me(as Carl Weathers), intense typing drills, and some good old fashioned whip-cracking, Kern should hopefully return to form soon. With his doughy, amorphous body type, I am not sure what that form is exactly, but I'll know it when I see it.

In any case, if you are interested in learning about making your own drinking vinegars, or what one might do with said drinking vinegars when they are finished, you are certainly in the right place. Toss in some other temperance drinks for good measure, and we might actually have something, by God! 

If on the other hand, none of these things interest you, I have a couple of suggestions. First, you may have accidentally been brought by the title hoping for information on botany. You sir or madame, are s**t out of luck. You might try this site more to your liking. If you just reached us by aimlessly wandering the internet like a purposeless t**t with no ambition or goals, there are plenty of pictures of cute kittens with ridiculous, grammatically incorrect captions(as though THAT will ever take off) or pornography.

To everyone still here, I extend my warmest welcome. If for whatever reason, you find the blog lacking in any way, I would like to make it clear right now: it's all Kern's f**ing fault.-Ed.]

No comments: